Pop culture has always been chock full of nonsensical theories about the bodies of women both young and old, but the last week’s news has offered up two very special doozies.  The common thread: female bodies across the lifespan are assumed to have an awful lot to do with men‘s desires and decisions.  What gives?

Absurd item #1: Radio host Laura Ingraham argues that allowing teen girls to access emergency contraception encourages pedophiles and rapists.  Of course.  The first thing on a rapist’s mind when he assaults a teen girl is whether or not she will become pregnant as a result.

Absurd item #2: A new medical study claims that menopause is an evolutionary result of men’s attraction to younger women.  Yep, according to this piece of research published in a peer-reviewed journal, women become infertile at a certain age because men just don’t find them that hot anymore.

ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME.